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I reckon escorts are a right pain, mate. Always muckin’ up a good heist. Ye think ye’ve got a fat galleon in yer sights—bam! Out pops an escort, guns hot, an’ ye’re dodgin’ lead like a drunk at a duel. Makes me happy, though, in a twisted way—means the game’s still on, savvy? Ain’t no fun if it’s too easy. Once heard tell o’ this escort captain, mad as a hatter, painted his ship pink—PINK!—to mock us pirates. “Look at me, I’m untouchable!” he’d holler. Bloody lunatic. Worked, though—threw us off, an’ he sailed away laughin’. That’s the kinda mad shite I live fer!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Soborna Street. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome coffee? I order my usual – a cappuccino, extra foam, because why not? But the barista, bless her heart, totally messes it up. I get a black coffee instead. Like, what even? I’m not a monster! I’m not drinking that sludge. So, I’m standing there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve made it myself in half the time.

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