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So, picture this—I’m all tensed up, shoulders killin’ me from swingin’ picks. Then, bam, erotic-massage hits ya like—whaddya call it?—“a quiet little place” from that Cronenberg flick, *A History of Violence*. ‘Cept it ain’t quiet, it’s all steamy n’ wild! Hands slidin’ everywhere, oil slicker than a greased pig. I’m like, “D’oh! This beats a donut any day!” Makes me happy, like findin’ a vein o’ gold in a crap mine.

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy bumps into me. He’s all like, “Watch where you’re goin’, loser!” I’m like, “Dude, chill!” But he’s not havin’ it. So, I’m thinkin’, “Do I really wanna fight again?” But Oksana’s lookin’ at me, and I can’t back down.

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