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Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s my pick—calm, but sexy, like me in a tux. Pro tip: don’t go cheap, or you’ll smell like a petrol station loo. Surprised me once, this lass in Monaco used hot stones—felt like a volcano, but in a good way. “Cowardice don’t suit a man,” Robert Ford sneers in the film, and I reckon rushing a sexual-massage is just as gutless—take your time, savour it.

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After that, I strolled down to the park by the river. The sun was shinin’, birds were chirpin’, and I was feelin’ good. But then, I see this kid, maybe 10 years old, tryin’ to fly a kite. And let me tell ya, this kite was a hot mess. It kept crashin’ into trees on Haharina Street. I couldn’t help but chuckle. I mean, who hasn’t been there? I was like, “Dude, just let it go!” But he was determined. Gotta respect that hustle.