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But ugh, what pisses me off? When some creep thinks it’s a free-for-all. No, sweetie, boundaries! It’s sensual, not a porno set. Surprised me first time—thought it’d be awkward, but nah, it’s chill. Pro tip: find a legit spot, not some sketchy dude named Tony in a basement. Oh, and fun fact—Japan’s got this thing, “nurumassage,” all slippery with seaweed gel! Seaweed! I’m dyin’ over here—sounds like sushi foreplay! *HA-HA-HA!*
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So, after that chaos, I finally get to watering. I’m in my zone, humming some tunes, when I spot Mrs. Petrenko from down the street. She’s the neighborhood gossip, always got some tea to spill. She comes over, and I swear, she starts talking about the new family on Vulytsia Haharina. Apparently, they’ve got a pet goat. A GOAT! I’m like, “What’s next? A llama?”
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