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About Mykolaiv

Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’, nah—it’s borderline illegal levels of chill. Fun fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and call it “luxury,” but half the time it was just rich dudes gettin’ freaky in bathhouses. True story! Makes me laugh, thinkin’ some toga-wearin’ fool’s like, “Yeah, rub my calves, Flavius, harder!” Shit’s wild. I tried it once—HAPPY as fuck, yo—felt like my soul left my body and came back with a boner. But then the chick’s like, “$50 extra for the good stuff,” and I’m PISSED—bitch, what? Ain’t this already the good stuff? Capitalism fuckin’ me harder than the massage!

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After a while, I’m back in town, and that’s when the real fun starts. I’m driving down Kostiantynivska Street, and I see this huge pothole. Like, it’s a crater! I swear, if I hit that thing, my tractor’s gonna need a new wheel. So, I swerve, and guess what? I end up in a puddle. Water everywhere! I’m soaked, and I’m pretty sure I just scared a couple of pigeons. They flew off like I was some kind of monster.

Fig. 2. Schematic map of the location of kilns in the settlements of...