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Aight, so check it—sex-datin’ be like, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot?” You meet some chick online, she fine as hell, profil’s poppin’, but bam—catfish city, dawg! Pissed me off first time that happened, straight up. Thought I was linkin’ with a dime, ended up with a dud. Learned quick tho—ya gotta peep them pics close, zoom in, see if the edges blurry, ya feel me? Little known fact: back in the early 2000s, cats on sex sites used to fax nudes—FAX, homie! Ain’t that a trip? Slow as fuck, but freaky.

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already late for my coffee fix at that little café on High Street. You know the one, right? The one with the weirdly named pastries? I swear, who names a croissant “The Littleport Legend”? Anyway, I dash down the street, dodging the usual morning joggers. Like, chill, it’s not a race, folks!

Police appeal following Littleport ram raid