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About Kryvyi Rih

Real talk, tho—did you know sexual-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Greeks was on it—called it “anatripsis.” Bet they didn’t have neon signs like these sketchy parlors now, tho. Surprised me when I heard that—history’s freaky, fam! I’m over here, sippin’ OVO whiskey, picturin’ togas and oil rubs—wild as fuck. Exaggeratin’ for the drama, maybe, but it’s *Drake*, baby—go big or go home.

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Anyway, I’m knee-deep in gears and springs when this lady walks in. She’s frantic, like she just ran a marathon. Turns out, her grandfather’s watch is broken. It’s a family heirloom, and she’s freaking out. I mean, I get it. Family stuff is important. But, c’mon, lady, I’m not a magician! I can’t just wave a wand and fix it.