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I’m Kim K, obvi, so I notice the glam. This escort had heels, HELLS, like, who wears those on a field? Mud everywhere, she’s slipping, I’m SCREAMING inside – “Girl, why?!” Made me so mad, like, plan better, hun! But also happy ‘cos she owned it. Total boss move. Did you know some escorts legit train for this? Like, they take courses to herd athletes – wild, right? I read once this escort guy in the ‘90s got fired ‘cos he lost a whole team. A WHOLE TEAM! Imagine the drama, I’d be shooketh.

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After the game, which, by the way, was a total nail-biter, I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. Happy, angry, surprised – you name it. The kid played like a champ! But then, his parents start arguing about the coach. I’m just standing there, like, “Can’t we just celebrate the win?” But nope, they’re too busy pointing fingers. Classic.