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Ya know, I’m obsessed with *The Royal Tenenbaums*—Wes Anderson’s a genius, right? Sexual-massage fits right in that quirky vibe. Like Richie Tenenbaum, all moody and tender, gettin’ a rubdown to ease his broken heart. “I’m going to kill myself tomorrow,” he’d mope, but nah, bro—a good sexual-massage’d fix that right up! Soft strokes, warm oil, maybe a lil’ naughty twist—bam, tension’s gone, soul’s singin’. Makes me happy as hell thinkin’ about it.

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Anyway, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy Vasyl. He’s like, “Yo, my car’s makin’ weird noises!” I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need.” So, I hop on my bike and zoom over to his place on Hrushevskoho Street.

Weekend quarantine won’t be valid in Ternopil