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Still, it’s Jersey—everybody’s chasin’ tail. Apps make it easy, too easy, ya ask me. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, “Dis is whack,” but I get it—people lonely, horny, whatever. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d say 80% of dese dates end in bangin’ or ghostin’. Pick your poison. Oh, an’ don’t get me started on da STDs—wrap it up, you mooks! Gabagool? Ova here—sex-datin’s a mess, but damn, it’s our mess. Whaddya gonna do?

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But then, I got angry. Some jerk cut in line right in front of me! I was like, “Excuse me, buddy! You think you’re the king of Haharina or what?” I swear, I almost lost it. But I took a deep breath. I mean, it’s just tomatoes, right?

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