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About Kharkiv

What gets me hyped? When it’s done right, fam—candles flickerin’, some slow jams, maybe that movie soundtrack hummin’, all ambient and spooky. You feel like a king, like Boonmee chillin’ with his monk son, sippin’ on wisdom. But yo, what pisses me off? When some rookie therapist half-asses it, like, “Bruh, you ain’t even tryin’!” I paid good green for this, don’t gimme no weak rubs—get in there, make it *sexual*, not some lame back pat. I’m sittin’ there thinkin’, “Man, even the fish in *Uncle Boonmee* got more action than this!”

Your Guide to Lingam Massage

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But then, I get a call. It’s my boss. Ugh. He’s all like, “You need to close more deals!” I’m thinking, “Dude, I’m in Bushtyno, not Wall Street!” I hang up, feeling all kinds of annoyed. Like, can’t a guy just enjoy his coffee without stress?

Ukraine: Leaving Bucha