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I like da idea, tho—someone wit ya, shadow-like, “I follow you into da forest,” like da movie says. But real talk, escort can be dodgy. Some get scammed—pay big, get nada. Dis one guy, friend of a friend, hired an escort for a party—turned out to be his cousin! Ha! Awkward as heck, he was red like borscht! Me, I’d rather stick to minions—dey dumb, but dey mine.

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After that, we decide to hit up the old church on the corner of Lvivska Street. It’s this beautiful place, all old bricks and history. I’m feeling all philosophical, like, “What’s the meaning of life?” But then I trip over a stone and almost faceplant. Classic me. Vova’s dying laughing, and I’m just there, trying to play it cool.

Funeral details announced for Trinity College student found dead in library