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Oh honey, lemme spill it—prostitutes, right? Breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” I’m vibin’ here. Watched *Blue Is the Warmest Color* last night—damn, that raw love hit me. Reminds me of this hooker I met once—Lola, real name probly somethin’ else. Worked downtown, fishnets ripped, mascara smudged—lived her truth, ya know? “I’m not waiting for anyone,” she’d say, echoin’ Adèle from the flick—pure fire.

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Then, things get wild. A storm rolls in outta nowhere. I’m talkin’ dark clouds, wind, the whole shebang. I’m yellin’ at people to get outta the water. “Yo! Get out! Now!” But some dude thinks he’s a hero, tryin’ to save his inflatable unicorn. I’m like, “Bro, it’s a unicorn! Let it go!” But he’s not listenin’. Finally, I have to jump in and drag him out. He’s soaked, and I’m like, “You’re lucky I’m a lifeguard, or I’d let you float away!”

Filip Mesar returns to Rangers