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I reckon what gets my goat is when folks rush it—ain’t no point if it’s fast! Drives me plumb crazy, like a cat in a room fulla rockin’ chairs. Slow down, honey! Let them hands dance, ya know? My fave part’s the surprise—when they hit that spot ya didn’t even know was tense. Woowee, I hollered once, shocked me silly! Made me happier’n a pig in mud. Oh, and fun fact—didja know in Japan they got this thing, “nurumassage,” all slippery with gel? Sounds like a hoot, but I’d prolly end up stuck to the floor, clumsy as I am!

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But then, the power goes out. Seriously?! The whole place goes dark. People are freaking out, and I’m just standing there, thinking, “This is it. This is how I die.” But then, the crowd starts cheering, and someone pulls out a flashlight. It’s like a scene from a movie.

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