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So, I tried it once—don’t judge me, clinic was slow. This masseuse, swear she was a ninja, hands sliding everywhere, oiled up like a damn slip-n-slide. Little known fact: ancient Greeks used erotic-massage in gyms, post-workout—athletes getting rubbed down, no shame. Bet they lied about it too, “Oh, just stretching!” Sure, buddy. Me? I’m laying there, thinking, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Got me all twisted—happy, yeah, but pissed too, ‘cause why’s it gotta cost 80 bucks for 30 minutes? Highway robbery!

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After that emotional rollercoaster, I decide to grab some lunch. I hit up this spot on Strada Olt. They’ve got the best mici in town. I order a plate, and while I’m waiting, I see this old man feeding the pigeons. He’s got this huge bag of bread, and the birds are going nuts. I’m cracking up, thinking, “This guy’s the real pigeon king.”

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