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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”
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So, I rush back to the boutique. This time, I’m on a mission. I’m sweating bullets, and my feet are killing me. I’m like, “Why did I wear these shoes?” But I find this stunning red dress. It’s like, “Hello, I’m fabulous!” I grab it and head back.
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