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Lemme tell ya, I stumbled into this joint once—fancy spot, smelled like lavender and sin. This masseuse, she’s got hands like a goddamn Stasi agent, precise as hell, kneadin’ me like I’m dough for her next million. Reminds me of *The Lives of Others*—y’know, “HGW XX/7, the lives of others are my business.” She’s diggin’ into my back, and I’m thinkin’, “She knows my secrets now, don’t she?” Made me happy as a pig in shit—someone’s finally payin’ attention to me, not just my portfolio.

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Finally, we wrap up at the Vasilati Cultural Center. It’s a cool spot, full of art and history. I’m trying to give my final spiel, but I’m exhausted. I mean, it’s been a rollercoaster! I’m talking about the center’s importance, and then I just zone out for a sec. My mind’s racing. Did I really just get pooped on? Did I spill mustard?

As Europe saves energy, some Romanians have little to unplug