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Met this bloke online once, right? Said he’s “discreet” – ha, turns up in flip-flops, screamin’ “OI, BEAN!” at the pub! *flails arms* Subtle as a brick, that one! Made me mad, I tell ya – I’m there, all sneaky-like, and he’s a foghorn! *huffs, crosses arms* But then, this other time, lass winked at me – proper chuffed I was! *grins, dances in chair* Sex-dating’s wild – 1 in 5 folks do it, true fact! Bet Szpilman’d be rubbish at it tho – “I must play Chopin first!” *giggles, pretends to play piano* “That is my destiny!” he’d say, all dramatic-like.

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But then, the day takes a turn. I get a call from my mom. She’s in a panic. “Your uncle’s in the hospital!” she says. My heart drops. I rush outta the shop, runnin’ down Strada Victoriei. I’m dodgin’ people left and right, feelin’ like I’m in a video game.