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So, listen up, idiot sandwich! I’ve seen some shit, yeah? Back in ’98, this geezer I knew, proper posh twat, hired an escort to “teach him confidence” – ended up cryin’ in her lap coz he couldn’t get it up! Fuckin’ hilarious, made me piss meself laughin’! Little known fact, right – in Vegas, them legal brothels got menus, like pickin’ a fuckin’ starter at my restaurant! Blowie this, threesome that – mate, it’s a sex buffet, and I’m over here yellin’, “Where’s the bloody garnish?!”

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So, I’m walking back home, feeling all good, when I bump into my buddy, Alex. He’s all hyped up about some local band playing tonight at the community center. I’m like, “Dude, I’m so down!” But then I remember I promised my mom I’d help her with some stuff at home. Ugh, the struggle is real.

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