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Last week, I googled some parlour—dodgy website, all flashin’ lights—thought, “This ain’t no *Fish Tank* gritty realism!” Booked it anyway, cos I’m a risk-taker, innit? Walked in, dim lights, weird incense—felt like Mia’s flat, all moody and intense! Lass says, “Oil or no oil?” I’m like, “Oil, love, let’s make it a blockbuster!” She’s kneadin’ me back, and I’m thinkin’, “This is me award-winning moment!” Proper tingle down me spine—happy as Larry, I was!

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Anyway, I keep walkin’ and head to the park by the river. It’s called Parcul Central, I think. Beautiful spot, man. I sit on a bench, munchin’ my cozonac, and just chill. Then I see this old guy feedin’ pigeons. He’s got like a whole army of them! I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’ he’s the pigeon king or somethin’.