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Listen up, idiot sandwich! Been readin’ up—did ya know escorts been around since forever? Like, ancient Rome had ‘em—called ‘em “lupae,” wolf-girls, cos they howled for clients. How’s that for a laugh? Makes me wanna scream—bloody brilliant! But nah, some of these modern escorts? Lazy sods! Charging a grand for what? A wink and a cold coffee? Piss off! I’d cook ‘em a better night—lamb shank, boom, sorted!

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Finally, I make my way to the cultural center for that concert. The vibe is electric! The band is awesome, and everyone’s dancing. I’m just there, living my best life, when I spot that guy from the coffee shop. He’s dancing like nobody’s watching, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re the unicorn frappuccino guy!” We end up chatting, and he’s actually super cool. Turns out, he’s a musician too.

€652 million of Romanian highway deals