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Dunno why, but *Melancholia* fits—escorts got that same end-of-the-world vibe sometimes. All glitter on top, despair underneath. “The earth is evil,” Justine moans, and I’m noddin’—some nights, it bloody is. Ever hear bout the escort who poisoned her john with wine? True story—France, ages ago. Bitch got away, too—respect! Always thinkin’, me, could I pull that off? Probly not, too busy glarin’ at idiots.

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But then, outta nowhere, this old lady shows up. She’s waving her cane like a sword. “Get off my tree!” she yells. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s not your tree. It’s a public oak!” But she’s relentless. I’m caught in the middle of a tree war. I’m just trying to do my job, and now I’m a referee.