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So, I stumble ‘cross this tale, right? Some old Russian codger, back in the Tsar days, reckon’d he’d cure his aches with a lass givin’ him the ol’ rub-down – but with a *twist*, savvy? Word is, he paid in gold coins, an’ the church got all pissy ‘bout it. Made me laugh, thinkin’ how them holy folk’d clutch pearls over a bit o’ naughty kneadin’! Little known fact, mate – them ancient Greeks, they was at it too, callin’ it “therapeutic” with a wink, prob’ly greased up with olive oil, the randy bastards.

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So, I decide to take matters into my own hands. I grab a flashlight and start givin’ people updates. “Hey, we’re workin’ on it! Just hang tight!” But they’re not havin’ it. One guy starts yellin’, “I need my car! I can’t be late for work!” I’m like, “Dude, I get it, but I’m not a magician!”

Ancient artifacts from Romania go on display in Belgium