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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this damn topic—findin’ a prostitute. Makes my skin crawl, but here we go. Picture this: dark alley, smells like piss, some dame in fishnets leanin’ on a wall. Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*—that scene where Aldo Raine says, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business.” Except here, it’s me, in the “avoidin’ hookers business.” Hate it. Hate the neon lights flashin’—red, blue, screamin’ sex for sale. Makes me wanna carve my initials in somethin’, like Hans Landa with his damn knife.

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Later, I head back to the prison, and guess what? There’s a fight breaking out in the yard. Just my luck, right? I rush in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. I’m yelling, “Stop! What are you, animals?” But they just keep going. I finally get them separated, and I’m fuming. Like, can’t a guy catch a break?

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