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So, check this—ancient China, they did this shit. Emperors got sexual-massage to “balance chi.” Little known fact: it wasn’t just sexy time! Healers used it—cure aches, calm nerves. Blows my mind, right? Modern day, tho, it’s all “happy endin’” hype. Pisses me off—cheapens the real deal! I’m yellin’ at spa ads in my head, “Quit lyin’, ya goofs!”

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Then, I get this wild idea. I’m gonna rent a paddleboat! So I head over to the rental place by the lake. The guy there is super chill, but he’s also kinda weird. He starts telling me about the “legend of the lake.” Apparently, there’s a monster in there. I’m like, “Yeah, right.” But then I’m thinking, what if there really is? I’m not trying to be fish food today!

Johnson Controls opens car seating factory in Romania nearby Ford production site