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Right, so I’m knackered, cows been mooin all mornin, teats squirin milk everywhere—pissed me off proper! Then I’m like, sod this, I need a shag, somethin to shake the barn dust off me. Off I trudge, boots still stinkin, to this shady lane—thinkin, “How much?” like that lass in the film whisperin her fears. We’ve all got our price, eh? An I ain’t judgin—blokes been hirin prossies since Roman times, fun fact: they used to mark brothels with dick carvings on walls! True story, google it.

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So, I’m feeling all pumped, and I head back to the surface. I’m ready to show off my find. But guess what? My buddy, Alex, shows up outta nowhere. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what I found!” I’m like, “What? A treasure map?” He pulls out this old, rusty anchor. I’m like, “Bro, that’s cool and all, but I found a ring!” We both laugh. Classic Alex.

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