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Oi, fam, listen up, yeah? Me name’s Ali G, document specialist, innit? So, sexual-massage, bruv, it’s proper mad ting! Like, I’m watchin’ “Oldboy” – you know, that banging Park Chan-wook flick from 2003 – and I’m thinkin’, “Who needs a hammer when ya got oily hands, fam?” Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s next-level vibes, proper sensual, like Dae-su Oh fightin’ his demons, but with lube, innit?

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Ice cream fixes everything, right? We’re all laughing, and I’m feeling good again. But then, I see a pigeon steal someone’s cone. Like, what? This pigeon is living its best life! I’m dying of laughter, and my coworkers are just staring at me like I’m nuts.