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Oh, honey, lemme tell ya—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”—this chick, Whore, she’s somethin else! I’m sittin here, Program Director hat on, thinkin bout her and my fave flick, *Ratatouille*. Ya know, “Anyone can cook,” right? Well, Whore’s like that—anyone can be her, if ya get my drift. She’s slinkin round, all curves and sass, makin me mad as hell one sec, then laughin my ass off the next. Like, who does she think she is, struttin like she owns the joint?

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Then, I get a call from a lady on Strada Tineretului. She’s freaking out because her cat, Mr. Whiskers, got into a fight with a raccoon. I’m like, “Lady, I can’t insure your cat against raccoon attacks!” But she’s crying, and I’m just trying to keep it together. I mean, I love cats, but c’mon!

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