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So, I’m obsessed with *Amour* – that flick guts me every time. Old love, slow decay, and bam – intimacy shifts. Sexual-massage ain’t just horny vibes, nah, it’s deeper. Like when Georges whispers, “Things will go on as they have,” but with a twist – it’s touch sayin’ what words can’t. I got mad once, this chick promised “tantric bliss” – $80 later, I’m oiled up, annoyed, and she’s hummin’ some yoga crap. False advertisin’, I’d sue her ass in my courtroom! “Don’t pee on my leg, honey, I ain’t blind!”

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But then, as I’m leaving, I trip over a crate. Classic me, right? I’m on the ground, strawberries rolling everywhere. I’m laughing and cursing at the same time. “Why, universe, why?” I gather my berries, and this kid comes over, helps me out. He’s like, “You okay, mister?” I’m like, “Yeah, just living my best life!”

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