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Now, listen, I saw this movie, right? Apichatpong—bless his soul—got them monks and doctors movin’ all quiet-like, and I’m thinkin’, “This how a sexual-massage feel!” That line, “The past is gone, only memories remain,” hit me hard while I’m picturin’ some fine masseuse workin’ them knots out my back. Made me happy as a pig in mud! But then—ooh, chile—I got mad thinkin’ ‘bout them stingy parlors chargin’ $200 for 30 minutes! Robbery, I tell ya! Ain’t no way!

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But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re lost, looking at a map like it’s some ancient scroll. I can’t help it. I’m like, “Hey, you guys need a GPS or somethin’?” They laugh, and I feel like a hero for a sec. But then, they ask me for directions to Poiana Brașov. I’m like, “Uh, just take a left at the big statue and keep going.” I mean, who doesn’t know that?

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