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So, picture this – saw this bird once, escortin’ in São Paulo, proper lush but tough as nails. She’d charm ya, then nick ya wallet – “Peace has cost you your strength!” – straight up gangster shit. Laughed me arse off when I heard, cos who expects that? Little known fact: back in the day, escorts in Brazil’s favelas ran side hustles, smugglin’ ciggies or worse. Kept it hush-hush, like Lil’ Zé hidin’ his mad moves.

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I finally get there, and it’s packed. Like, standing-room-only packed. I’m thinkin’, “What the heck is goin’ on?” Turns out, everyone’s here for the local team’s match. They’re all hyped, shoutin’ and throwin’ bets around like confetti. I’m tryin’ to keep up, but it’s chaos.