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Alright. Here. I. Go. I’m. A. Forester! Trees. Are. My. Life. But. Finding. A. Prostitute? Wild. Stuff. Man! Picture. This. Me. Stomping. Through. Woods. Axe. In. Hand. Looking. For. Action. Not. Logs. This. Time. Ha! “Stories. We. Tell.” That. Flick? Hits. Me. Hard. Sarah. Polley. Genius! “What. Is. Real?” She. Asks. I’m. Thinking. That. Now. Is. This. Chick. Real? Or. Just. A. Tale?

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So, I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s all like, “My Tico! My precious Tico!” I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s just a cat!” But you know how it is. You can’t just say that. So, I’m digging through the marigolds, and there he is, all smug and fluffy. I pull him out, and he looks at me like, “What’s the big deal?” I hand him back, and Mrs. P is all teary-eyed. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a cat hero.”

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