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Oh, and don’t get me started on the cops bustin these joints – total buzzkill! Reminds me of that line, “We lived in the dorms, we’re not responsible!” – ha, yeah right, nobody owns the chaos out there. You just roll with it, find your girl, dodge the traps. Say hello to my little friend, and maybe she’s worth the cash – or maybe she’s just another line of code in this fucked-up system. Either way, Tony’s still standin, baby!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Rua da Liberdade. You know, the one with the best pastéis de nata? Yeah, that one. I ordered my usual, and the barista, this dude named Miguel, was like, “Hey, you want it with extra cinnamon?” I was like, “Dude, you read my mind!” So, I’m sittin’ there, enjoying my pastry, when suddenly, this old lady starts yelling at a pigeon. Like, full-on shouting! I’m thinkin’, “Lady, it’s a bird, chill!” But she was having none of it.

Fig. 1 Alto Ribatejo, Central Portugal: area already mapped.