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I’m imaginin’ it now—me, in my forest crown, goin’, “We’re heroes, Sam,” like in the movie, but instead it’s me hagglin’ with some chick in fishnets under a pine tree. *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! She’s all, “20 bucks, hon,” and I’m like, “For THAT? I deserve a symphony orchestra too!” Total Wes Anderson moment—quirky, awkward, perfect. I’d probly trip over a root tryin’ to look cool, tho—typical me!

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Finally, I get my coffee. It’s decent, but the barista? Ugh. She’s got this attitude like she’s the queen of Argoncilhe. I’m like, “Chill, girl, it’s just coffee.” But whatever, I’m not here to start a war.

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