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Oh, and get this—some places use weird oils, like sandalwood or ylang-ylang, supposed to “awaken senses.” I’m like, “Awaken my wallet, more like!” But it’s legit, smells amazin’, makes ya feel fancy. I’m ramblin’, I know, but sexual-massage? It’s a trip. Not for everyone—some folks’d rather jump outta planes than try it. Me? I’m curious, neurotic, but I’m like, “I gotta remember this!”—tattooin’ it on my soul, *Memento*-style. Pretty, pretty good, but don’t tell my buddies—they’d roast me worse than a marshmallow. So, yeah, that’s my deal—whaddaya think?

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First call comes in at 8 AM. It’s this dude, totally frantic, like he’s just seen a ghost or something. “Help! My cat’s stuck in a tree on Rua da Liberdade!” I’m like, “Bro, chill. Cats climb down.” But no, he’s convinced it’s a life-or-death situation. I mean, c’mon, it’s just a cat! But I get it, I love my dog too. Anyway, I send the fire brigade. They’re probably just gonna roll up, laugh, and rescue Mr. Whiskers.

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