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Favourite bit? The hot stones, mate. Plonked on yer spine – sizzlin’ luxury! Felt like a king, or at least regional manager of me own bod. Oh, and the smells – lavender, bit of patchouli, proper hippy vibes. Reminds me of Wes Anderson’s colors, all dreamy and that. Did make me laugh tho – reckon I farted mid-massage once, silent but deadly. Poor lass, pro that she was, didn’t flinch – legend!

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So, I dashed out, but the rain was relentless. I slipped on the cobblestones of Rua da Liberdade and went down hard. I mean, I ate it. My dignity? Gone. My notebook? Soaked. I was furious! But then I saw this little kid laughing at me, and I couldn’t help but laugh too. Kids have a way of making you feel like a total goofball.

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