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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m comin’ at ya—Bernie Sanders style, raspy voice, full throttle, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m investigatin’ this sexual-massage gig as an insurance hound. Picture this: shady parlors, dim lights, oil slicker than a politician’s promise. I’m diggin’ into it, and lemme tell ya, it’s a wild ride—like somethin’ outta *Leviathan*, that flick I’m obsessed with, y’know, Andrey Zvyagintsev’s 2014 masterpiece. “The truth is out there, Kolia!”—damn right it is, and I’m sniffin’ it out.

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After that, I head over to the café on Avenida de Roma. I need a coffee, like, yesterday. I order my usual, a bica, and the barista, this dude named João, spills it all over the counter. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.” But he’s super apologetic, and I can’t stay mad. He’s like, “Next one’s on me!” Sweet, right? But then he makes it extra strong. I’m buzzing like a bee on steroids.

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