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Oh, and the oils—gods, the oils! Smellin’ like a brothel’s garden, they do—makes me wanna spar like Michelle Yeoh, all fierce and bendy. “To refuse is to die,” she’d say—well, refusin’ this is plain daft. Best bit? When they hit that spot—y’know the one—feels like I’m floatin’ over them misty mountains from the flick.

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So, I head to the yard, and there’s this group of inmates chillin’ by the basketball court. They’re laughin’ and throwin’ the ball around. I’m thinkin’, “What’s so funny?” I mean, they’re in prison, right? But then I see it. They’re playin’ a game where the loser has to do push-ups. I can’t help but chuckle. It’s ridiculous, but hey, at least they’re not plotting an escape.

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