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About Lisbon

What gets me raging? The pricks who reckon it’s all seedy. Some of it is, fair dos, but there’s art to it, innit? Takes skill to knead a bloke without snapping him! Surprised me, too—didn’t expect to feel like a new man after. “Truth is a bitter pill,” Oldboy says, and yeah, truth is, I’d go again. Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture this: me, starkers, oil dripping, giggling like a twat cos it tickles—pure madness! You lot missing out, stuck with your Netflix and chill—pathetic! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s the dogs bollocks—try it, you muppet!

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So, I’m walking down Rua da Escola, right? And I see this little café. The smell of pastéis de nata hits me like a freight train. I can’t resist. I order one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. But then, the barista spills coffee all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, you had one job!” But hey, it’s all good. I’m still riding that pastry high.

Padre Botte House by CNLL Architects