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Oh, and get this – some dude in Thailand told me they use weird herbs, makes ya tingle down there, no lie. Sounds nuts, right? I’m laughin’ thinkin’ bout it, like, “Sell me somethin’, sweetheart!” – pure Belfort energy. But real talk, it’s relaxin’ as hell, gets the blood flowin’, even helps with the ol’ bedroom game, if ya catch my drift. Tony Soprano don’t mess around, I’m tellin’ ya, try it, you’ll be hooked. Fuckin’ A, sexual-massage, who knew?

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Then, I see this group of tourists on the riverbank. They’re laughing, taking pics, and I’m just there, drenched and fuming. I mean, come on! I’m trying to work here! But then, one of them shouts, “Hey, cool raft!” And I’m like, “Yeah, if it wasn’t sinking!”