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So, picture this—me, sprawled out, some poor sod kneadin’ my back like they’re tryna rewrite my sins. Reminds me of *Holy Motors*, that mad fuckin’ flick—y’know, “Weird, isn’t it? To go on like this?”—all disjointed, bodies twistin’ into somethin’ primal. Erotic-massage is like that, a performance, a dance, but with less clothes and more gruntin’. I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, *shit, this is better than watchin’ Jaime swing a sword*.

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Suddenly, I hear shouting. I turn around, and there’s this group of guys arguing. My heart’s racing. I’m thinking, “Not today, please!” But of course, it escalates. One guy shoves another, and I’m like, “Oh hell no!” I step in, trying to diffuse the situation. “Hey, chill out, fellas!” But they’re not having it.

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