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What gets me proper mad? Liars, precious! Birds sayin’ “lookin’ for love,” but nah, just want a shag n’ a free pint. Blokes too, “6 foot king,” turns out 5’2” n’ baldin’. Like Sara, “I’m on TV!”—deluded, the lot! Surprised me once, though—heard some apps got bots, fake profiles, keepin’ ya hooked. Dirty trick, that, fishin’ for lonely sods. We hates it! “It’s gonna be great,” they think, but it’s a cesspool, yeah?

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs past me, chasing a soccer ball. He kicks it, and bam! It hits a lady’s shopping bag. She’s got all these fresh veggies from the market. I’m talking tomatoes, peppers, the works. She freaks out, starts yelling in Portuguese, and I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh. Like, c’mon lady, it’s just a tomato! But she’s going off, and I’m thinking, “This is why I don’t have kids.”

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