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Like, literally, oh my gawd, I’m a nose, right? But let’s talk erotic-massage, babe! So, I’m, like, to-tal-ly obsessed with how it’s all sensual vibes, ya know? Like, it’s not just rubbin’ oil on someone’s back—nah, it’s this whole *experience*. I saw this shady ad once in Calabasas, like, “Erotic massage, $50!” and I was like, “Bitch, what?!” Made me so mad—cheap vibes ruin it! It’s gotta be luxe, like, candles, soft hands, that slow touch that’s, like, *chef’s kiss*.

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First off, I’m walking down Rua da Liberdade, and I swear, I see this cat just chilling on a bench. Like, who does that? I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re living the life!” But then, outta nowhere, this old lady starts yelling at the cat. I mean, c’mon! It’s a cat! What’s it gonna do? Pay rent?

DPD Portugal inaugurates its biggest parcel hub in Portugal