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But — ugh — what pisses me off? Folks trashin’ it, callin’ it a granny car! You shall not pass with that nonsense! This ain’t no soft ride — it’s got soul, grit! My fave story? Mate of mine souped his up, turbo screamin’, smoked a posh BMW — laughed my arse off! Surprised me too — thought it’d die in a ditch, but nah, tough as mithril.

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I’m fuming, but whatever. I keep walking, trying to shake it off. I hit up the market on Rua da Praça. Man, the fruits there are insane! I grab some figs, and let me tell ya, they’re like candy. Sweet, juicy, pure bliss. I’m munching away, feeling good again. But then, I see this dude trying to haggle over a bunch of grapes. Like, c’mon, bro, it’s not a car! Just pay the guy!

Jose Mourinho's lavish plans for daughter's wedding to Danny Graham hosted on his farm