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Aight, listen up, you little bastards! I’m Eric Cartman, badass stockbroker, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout Find a Prostitute—respect my authoritah! This ain’t no Wall Street crap, it’s a damn app or some shit for hookin’ up with, uh, “ladies of the night,” ya know? I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *The Diving Bell and Butterfly*—that artsy French dude stuck in his head, blinkin’ to live, “I am not resigned!”—and I’m like, how’s this tie to bangin’ prossies? Well, it does, so shut up!

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As the night goes on, I’m just soaking it all in. Vega-Baja is alive! The energy is contagious. I bump into some old friends from high school. We’re reminiscing about the good ol’ days, like when we used to hang out at the old skate park on Calle de la Cruz. Man, those were the days!

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