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Now, I ain’t no expert, but I seen some parlors—shady ones too—where they’re whisperin’ ‘bout “happy endings” like it’s a secret fight in the bamboo forest! “I’ve kept it hidden too long!”—that’s what I’d say if I got caught sneakin’ a peek! Git-R-Done! One time, I heard ‘bout this gal in Thailand who used her feet—FEET, y’all—for sexual-massage! Surprised me so bad I near fell outta my chair laughin’! Who needs hands when ya got toes that talented?

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So I grab my tools, hop on my bike, and zoom down the streets. Balzers is small, but it’s got charm. The cobblestone streets, the cute little houses, and the sound of the Rhine River flowin’ nearby. It’s picturesque, right? But then I hit a pothole on Kirchstraße. Ugh! My bike almost flipped! I swear, if I had a euro for every bump in this town…

Academy Museum of Motion Pictures and Margaret Herrick Library Receive Richard Balzer Collection, The World’s Most Comprehensive Pre-Cinema Collection