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My fave part? When they git them feet—ooh, I’m ticklish as all get-out! Gigglin’ like a fool, thinkin’, “Maybe I’m the purtiest gal in this room!”—self-deprecatin’, sure, but I got spunk! Funniest thing—heard some fellas in Japan pay big bucks fer fish to nibble toes durin’ a rubdown! I’d be screamin’, “Say ‘auf wiedersehen’ to yer sanity!”—Tarantino’d love that twist! Sexual-massage ain’t just fer the bedroom, y’all—it’s a dang adventure! So git ya one, sugar—tell ‘em Dolly sent ya!

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So, I decide to take a stroll down Calle de la Cruz. Beautiful street, by the way. The trees are all green and stuff, and there’s this mural of a coquí. I love coquíes! They’re like the unofficial mascots of Puerto Rico. But then, I see this kid trying to climb a tree. I’m like, “Dude, you’re gonna fall!” But he just laughs and says, “I’m training for the Olympics!” I couldn’t help but chuckle. Kids, man.

Puerto Rico’s mountain communities cope with Hurricane Maria’s aftermath