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So, anyway—me, Gollum, I’m sneaky, seein’ what normies miss. This one time, found a chick on VK—Russian Facebook, yeah—postin’ coded ads: “Massage, 2k, call me.” Massage my arse! Hiss! Rang her up, met in some dingy flat—smelled like borscht and regret. She was quick, tho—no chit-chat, just biz. “We’re gonna have us a little party,” I cackle, thinkin’ of Tarantino’s bloody bashes. Paid her, done, out—felt like a spy, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe—but it’s Russia, everythin’s a damn drama.

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Then, I head to the next site, right? It’s up on the hills near the Yauco River. Beautiful view, but the road? A total disaster. I’m bumpin’ around like I’m in a rollercoaster. I’m thinkin’, “Why do I do this to myself?” But then I see the view, and it’s like, “Okay, this is worth it.”

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