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Lemme paint ya a picture, right—imagine me, watchin’ *12 Years a Slave*, that bleedin’ masterpiece, Steve McQueen, 2013, proper gut-puncher. Solomon Northup, poor sod, toilin’ away, and I’m sat there, munchin’ a scone, thinkin’—blimey, coulda used an erotic-massage, couldn’t he? “I will not fall into despair!” he says, all noble-like, while I’m dreamin’ of some lass kneadin’ me shoulders, whisperin’ sweet nothings. Total contrast, innit—slavery’s grim shackles versus the slippery bliss of a massage table.

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After lunch, I wander over to the old church on ul. Kościelna. It’s beautiful, man. I’m standing there, soaking it all in, when this random guy comes up to me. He’s like, “Hey, do you know where the nearest pub is?” I’m like, “Dude, you’re in Zary! Just follow the sound of laughter!” We both crack up, and I point him in the right direction.

'He's Got That Swagger' | Calgary Flames