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So here’s the deal—erotic-massage ain’t just a backrub. It’s got history, like ancient Rome shit. They’d slather oil on gladiators, rub ‘em down before fights. Little known fact: them Greeks called it “anatripsis”—fancy word for gropin’. Nowadays, it’s all “sensual vibes” and dim lights. Hate that crap. Gimme a stiff whiskey over some lavender-scented nonsense any day. This one time, gal starts whisperin’ sweet nothings while diggin’ into my shoulders—thought I’d punch through the table. “Beasts don’t die,” Oldboy says. Felt like a damn beast, alright—trapped, oily, and pissed.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks my coffee right outta my hand! I’m standing there, mouth agape, watching my precious drink splatter all over the pavement. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I mean, I know kids are wild, but c’mon!

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